Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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