I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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