I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
