Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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