I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
