OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
