So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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