I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
