Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize