I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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