I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
