I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
