Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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