yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
