i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
