do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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