I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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