Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
