I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
