The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
