This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
