Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
