I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
