Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
