I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
