Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
