I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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