and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
