Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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