All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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