My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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