Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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