He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
