We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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