dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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