I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
