he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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