it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
