His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
