yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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