I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
