please come you make the beer taste better
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
