My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
