We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
