which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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