I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
