It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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