i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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