apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and she was petting her beer can
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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