As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You made out with two different species that night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize