My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
