I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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