pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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