she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
