I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
