Christians are straight up FREAKS
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
