I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
