he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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