I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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