Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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