youre lurking in front of me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize