what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
