I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
