After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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