R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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