I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
