The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
