She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
