Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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