You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
