I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
