I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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