College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
